


Izuru Discharges a By No Means Unpleasant Christmas Obligation

by Idiot of the Eastern Hills (Hildebrand_von_Pranin)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Yes Minister
Genre: British Comedy, Christmas, Crack, Gen, Possibly Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hildebrand_von_Pranin/pseuds/Idiot%20of%20the%20Eastern%20Hills
Summary: A Christmas- and Yes Minister-themed Christmas crackfic.Izuru craves Chiaki's indulgence to discharge a by no means unpleasant obligation, which has over the years become more or less established practice in Japanese society as people approach the terminal period of the year. (He may have gotten inspiration from a certain cabinet secretary.)Nagito helps, if you can call parroting Izuru's words "helping".Poor Chiaki is just confused by the bureaucratic gobbledegook.(With deep apologies to Sir Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, as well as to the BBC.)
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru & Nanami Chiaki
Kudos: 4





	Izuru Discharges a By No Means Unpleasant Christmas Obligation

**Author's Note:**

> One day while I was procrastinating, I thought: "Izuru seems like the kind of guy that would talk like a stereotypical bureaucrat for no good reason, and Nagito at his most sycophantic would probably follow him like a lemming off a cliff." Then I was reminded of Sir Humphrey's Christmas wish (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW7EL3_xL9s), and it all fell into place. Quite an absurd crossover, I'm sure.
> 
> (Realistically, if Nagito becomes Bernard Woolley, and Izuru is essentially Sir Humphrey, Hajime or Makoto would have to be Jim Hacker. Then that makes Chiaki or Kyoko Annie Hacker.)

_The last lunch break of the last day of classes before Winter Break._

_A cafeteria at Hope’s Peak, decorated for Christmas.  
CHIAKI and other STUDENTS are eating lunch._

_Enter IZURU, followed by NAGITO._

NAGITO  
Nanami-san, Izuru-sama has something to say to you before you go home for the holidays.

CHIAKI  
Yes, Kamukura-kun?

_At this point, IZURU goes off on a monologue, probably in one breath. CHIAKI's face contorts with confusion as the piddling bureaucratic gobbledegook wears on._

IZURU  
I wonder if I might crave your momentary indulgence in order to discharge a by no means disagreeable obligation which has, over the years, become more or less established practice in Japanese society as we approach the terminal period of the year — Gregorian, of course, not Lunar — in fact, not to put too fine a point on it, Week Fifty-One — and submit to you, with all appropriate deference, for your consideration at a convenient juncture, a sincere and sanguine expectation — indeed confidence — indeed, one might go so far as to say hope — that the aforementioned period may be, at the end of the day, when all relevant factors have been taken into consideration, susceptible to being deemed to be such as to merit a final verdict of having been by no means unsatisfactory in its overall outcome and, in the final analysis, to give grounds for being judged, on mature reflection, to have been conducive to generating a degree of gratification which will be seen in retrospect to have been significantly higher than the general average.

_Most of the STUDENTS in the cafeteria are bemused, except for two ANGLOPHILES off at a side table, who are enthusiastically listening in. For some reason these two speak in exaggerated "Bri’ish" English, which I have reproduced here for convenient reading aloud. (Note that the individual syllables of the Anglicized names should be pronounced as written.)_

ANGLOPHILE 1 (nudging the other)  
Bloimey! Is tha' a bloo’y _Yes Ministuh_ ref'rence?

ANGLOPHILE 2  
Bloo’y Nora, i' is! Ne'er thought Oi’d see the ol' Bee-Bee-Cee Bri'ish telly here at Kyebowgameinay Aca'emy of all plaices, and from ol' Silent Ayezooroo Camokoora of all th' people!

_While the ANGLOPHILES are enjoying this magical moment, CHIAKI is still at a loss._

CHIAKI  
"Crave your momentary indulgence"? "Generating a degree of gratification greater than"...? What's he talking about?

NAGITO  
Izuru-sama was wondering if he might crave your momentary indulgence in order to discharge a by no means disagreeable obligation which has, over the years—

CHIAKI  
_interrupting_ All - all - alright, alright, Nagito! But Izuru—

IZURU  
At the end of the day, Nanami-san, all things being considered—

CHIAKI  
_interrupting_ Don't — don't — just a — gah!

IZURU  
Yes, Nanami-san?

CHIAKI  
Are you saying "Merry Christmas"?

IZURU  
_vaguely incredulous, shrugging_ Yes, Nanami-san!

_NAGITO and the ANGLOPHILES blow shrill party horns as CHIAKI looks at IZURU bemusedly._

**Author's Note:**

> To all those who have read through this story, please accept my good wishes for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the New Year, or whatever else you will celebrate this winter season.  
> Please stay safe, enjoy what festivities there are responsibly, and take good care of yourselves.


End file.
